Guess What Article for March 2001
By Bob Cahn, “The Primitive Man”

Before or after, open or closed — the photos of this month’s “Guess What” are extremely sharp in detail. Working the handles like a pliers enabled the inner series of ridges and spikes (not visible) to protrude or recede as manipulated. Well-made of nickel on brass, this piece was made in France — which has nothing to do with its function or application. We will tell you it’s a household item, and the room in which it’s used is a partial clue. Size: 4″ long by 1½” diameter.

We assigned our trusted “Committee for Consumer Standards” the task of coming up with possible alternative suggestions. Here are their findings:

1. Kielbasa sausage link tie-off marker
2. Teething ring for a baby piranha
3. Ankle bracelet for masochists
4. Plumber’s pipe cutting working gauge
5. Herpetologists snake venom milking de-vice
6. Rind-piercing kitchen tool for easy tangerine peeling
7. Instant injection pattern marker for mass production tat-tooing
8. Garden hose sprinkler effect puncture tool
9. Onion juicer and segment perforator
10. Callous softener and tenderizer
11. Asparagus stalk cut-off gauge
12. Condom burst stress tester
13. Carrot scraper
14. Sesame seed harvester
15. Celery stalk de-stringer
16. Bull nose-ring installation pincers
17. Cigar cutter.

Enough razzle dazzle for one session? Work hard at it — and your efforts will be rewarded next month with the answer. Till then.

*Thanks to the inexhaustible Mike Goodman, collector, Massachusetts.

Answer to February’s Guess What..?

When it comes to mumbling and talking distinctly, it helps to have a set of teeth to form the various sound combinations. Without them, in the previous centuries, you found yourself helpless. In the case of food for the elderly (or the infant), there fortunately was a remedy: a masticator (see photo). This device was used to break up and pulverize for consumption — foods that were too difficult to digest by the tender gums of the baby or the toothless gums of the geriatric. Using a scissor-like action, one would be able to prepare food for either circumstance.*

*available for acquisition

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